I guess I’m entitled to veer off subject occasionally and this seems like something I must do today. My companion and friend of 9 1/2 years, Shay, a male Blue Merle Aussie, was diagnosed with inoperable cancer of the spleen that has spread throughout his body. We can now explain the recent cough that came from nowhere and the limp that wouldn’t go away. Our vet will arrive at our house tomorrow morning at 11:30 and we’ll say goodbye to our beloved friend and teacher. We all know many people that have gone through this experience but when it is you, it is quite different. I can’t seem to swallow past the lump in my throat and when my eyes dry for a few minutes, there is a slight, constant sting that reminds me of my sadness and my love for him.

We are having a good night. A last trip to the golf course to meet our neighborhood pack, eat a little grass, briefly chase a ball and a quiet repose to enjoy the breeze and watch the sun’s reflection on the Catalinas.Meet some neighbors on the way home who ask Shay to find Bearman, their 5year old horse who was put down last Friday, and chase him, lick his nose and send their love.  Home to eat a frozen lasagna dinner instead of kibble and then a quiet nap on his favorite bed.

My mind wanders as I watch him nap. Is he in pain? It doesn’t appear so. But he’s no longer robust and alert and it’s hard to look at him. Tonight he is fragile, tentative and slightly misshapen. And I remember the hours of agility training that were never completed because of a valley fever diagnosis. Walking, swimming, playing and sneaking around with Silver and Pat, our favorite Weimeraner and human. He was so physically and spiritually bonded to me yet cautious and aloof with others. We were an important part of each other’s day. Not happy in the car, but always content to be near to his family. Always liked his own space and always happiest if he could hear us in the same room. So predictable, so loving, so content, so independent. Some creatures appear to be old souls. He is one of them and so like our first human lover, he is deeply etched in our being.

The thoughts keep coming but that’s enough for now.

I hope he has a restful night .

postscript: He did have a calm night. And after a wonderful walk and a special breakfast, he died peacefully while I held him and Holly fed him almond butter from her fingers.

There is an empty place in my heart which is Shay. A place that will never be filled and that I will  always cherish.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 15th, 2009 at 9:17 am and is filed under News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.